The Journey

I’m starting out on a new journey today—a journey toward a whole new career. And I’m equal parts excited and scared out of my wits.

A little over a year ago, our family had to sell our home in the North Carolina mountains and move back to Illinois. It was an extremely difficult move for me. In North Carolina, I’d finally been able to set up the mini-farm of my dreams—complete with chickens, an array of other livestock, and a huge organic garden. I’d also been living closer to my parents and siblings than I had since leaving for college in 1988. I was teaching courses I loved at a local college and was enjoying my volunteer position at our town’s food bank. I’d made dear friends. I was happy as a pig in mud and was sure I’d be spending the rest of my life right there.

But it was not to be. Along with COVID-19 and other medical crises, 2020 brought to our family an urgent need to relocate. I resisted every step of the way and spent several weeks after the move wallowing in my losses. Then one day I remembered Parker Palmer’s passage from his brilliant little book,
Let Your Life Speak:

“Each time a door closes, the rest of the world opens up. All we need to do is stop pounding on the door that just closed, turn around…and welcome the largeness of life that now lies open to our souls.”

Trusting Palmer’s wisdom, I decided to stop bemoaning my exile to the suburbs and start searching instead for doors that might be open to me now. It soon became clear to me what I had to do: I had to go to nursing school.

At the end of 2019, I’d gotten very sick, been hospitalized, and very nearly died. During that experience, and in the weeks and months that followed, I was struck by the fact that although I was “in the care of” doctors, it was nurses who’d done the lion’s share of caring for me. It was they who’d cleaned up my awful messes, administered my endless meds, and coordinated my care. It was they who’d reached out to reassure me, empathize with me, and encourage me. They’d made a beautiful difference in my life. And inspired me to want to do the same for others.

During the past year, I’ve been busy attending informational webinars, filling out application forms, and taking prerequisite science classes. And today my new journey truly begins as I become a full-time student again—this time in an accelerated Master of Science in Nursing (MSN) program.

It’s an exciting—and terrifying—day, as the voices in my head simultaneously urge me forward (“You can do this!”) and question my ability to succeed (“Are you crazy?” “You’re way too old for this!“).

Mary Oliver’s poem is just what I need at this moment. I hope it inspires you, too, to stride ahead in your own journey, determined to do the thing you need to do—whatever that may be.

The Journey

by Mary Oliver

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice–
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
‘Mend my life!’
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.

You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.

But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do–
determined to save
the only life you could save.